Frequently Asked Questions

Why Was Step-Up Created?

Step-Up began in 1997 in response to the high number of juvenile domestic violence cases in King County Juvenile Court. Each year approximately 950 cases of domestic violence enter the juvenile court system. The majority of cases are assaults against parents. Prior to Step-Up, no program existed that addressed violence by youth against parents and family members.

Who Does Step-Up Serve?

• Youth (and the parent or caregiver) referred by the juvenile court system following an arrest for domestic violence with a family member. This includes judges, probation counselors, Community Accountability Board, At-Risk Youth Petitions, Family Court and attorneys.
• Families referred by police officers who responded to a call where the youth was violent in the home
• Families referred by community agencies, counselors, schools or other helping professionals
• Voluntary families who learned about Step-Up on-line or from a friend, etc.
• Approximately 80 per cent of Step-Up youth are court ordered to participate in the program.
• Parents and caregivers attending Step-Up have included step-parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, foster parents, adult siblings or adult family friend who has been in a caregiver role with the youth.

What is Teen Domestic Violence?

For teens, domestic violence includes dating violence as well as violence against parents and other family members. Most of the domestic violence cases in juvenile court are teens who have assaulted a parent or family member. Teen dating violence is a significant problem; however, it is reported to police far less than teen violence in the family.

Teen dating violence, which involves intimate relationships, is similar to the power and control dynamics of intimate relationships between adults. Teen violence against parents and family members is rarely recognized as domestic violence, but some of the same patterns and tactics of power and control seen in intimate relationships are used. Put-downs, threats, intimidation, property destruction, degrading language and physical violence are used by teens with their moms, dads, guardians and siblings.

Teen violence in the family is usually about power and control and used as a tactic to get others to do what the teen wants, similar to the motives of a DV perpetrator in an intimate relationship. Often, teens have learned the behavior from someone in the family, usually their father or step-father. In many cases, the abusive father is no longer in the home and the teen has started using behaviors he saw his dad use with his mom.

Who are the Teens?

Teens that are violent are often stereotyped. They are seen either as sociopaths and dangerous or as innocent victims. Neither stereotype recognizes these teens as both victims and perpetrators of violence. Many teens that use violence towards family members have been exposed to domestic violence or have experienced violence at home. Even though a teen has experienced violence in the past, it is important that she or he is held responsible for his or her own violent behavior in order to help the teen have healthy relationships and stop the cycle of family violence. It is not helpful to youth to discount the seriousness of their violence because they have been a victim of violence in the past. This gives the teen the message that the behavior is justified and that he or she does not have the ability to change the behavior.

(Important Note: we are not referring to teens that are violent with a parent/caretaker who is victimizing them. This would not be considered domestic violence, but a child abuse case to be referred to Children’s Protective Services)

Not all teens have witnessed or experienced violence. Some teens that are violent with family members have mental health issues, substance addiction, learning disabilities or emotional and/or behavioral problems since they were young. Some youth seem to be well functioning and healthy in most areas of their life with no identifiable reason for violent behavior. There is not one reason why a youth is violent; it is usually a combination of risk factors that have contributed to the behavior.

Who are the Victims?

Women who have been abused by a husband or partner are often re-victimized by their teenage sons. Of the 550 domestic violence cases filed by the King County Juvenile Court Prosecutor’s office in 2008, 65 per cent of the victims were parents. Of the parents who were assaulted by their teen, 70 per cent are mothers. Many of these teen perpetrators witnessed the abuse of their mother by their father or stepfather during their childhood.

Mother’s who are living with an abusive teen have often left the abusive father and as their children become teenagers they find themselves living the same experience they lived with the child’s father. Physical abuse, threats, intimidation and emotional abuse are used by their teen with mother and siblings. Fear, walking on eggshells and avoiding conflict for safety reasons makes it difficult to effectively parent a teenager. Unlike victims of domestic violence by a partner, mothers who are raising an abusive teen do not have the opportunity to go to shelters, get protection orders or leave the relationship because they are responsible for the care and guidance of their teen (and in most cases want to continue to care for and live with their teen child). These mothers do not know where to turn or what to do for help. They usually think they are alone in their situation and are fearful about exposing their experience. Calling the police is a difficult step for a parent to take and most do not call until they are extremely afraid for their safety or that of younger siblings.

Not all parents of violent youth have been victims of domestic violence. Many have never experienced violence in their lives and are perplexed by their youth’s behavior. While approximately 70 per cent of parent victims in the Step-Up program are mothers, not all victims of domestic violence by a teen are the youth’s mother. Others include fathers, step-mothers and step-fathers, grandparents and other caretakers such as aunts, uncles, foster parents and family friends. Siblings may also be victims of the youth’s violence.

Adolescent violence in the family is serious and sometimes life threatening. The following quotes from parents indicate the level of fear some parents experience living with a violent teenager. Parents made these statements during their intake interview with Step-Up.

“I sleep with my door locked and a chair up against the wall.”

        “I have hidden all the knives and sharp objects in the house.”

        “As we were driving down the freeway he grabbed the steering wheel and threatened to steer the car across four lanes of traffic if I didn’t do what he wanted. I was terrified.”

        “I won’t leave him alone with his younger brother or sister.”

        “His little sister hides in the closet when he starts to go off.”

        “She has threatened me with a knife.”

As with adult domestic violence, stereotypes about parents who are victims of their children’s violence exist and make it more difficult for them to get help. Parents are often seen by others as too permissive and unable to set limits with their children. Well meaning family and friends will advise parents by saying,”you shouldn’t let him get away with that” or “you should just lay down the law and let her know you are the boss”. Parents who are victims of violence usually feel they have failed as parents and feel responsible for their children’s violence against them. “Overly permissive” parenting is sometimes perceived to be the cause of the violent behavior, when in fact the parent’s behavior is often a response to feeling afraid of the teen. Adolescent violence against family members is domestic violence, not a parenting issue. There are parenting skills that can be helpful in motivating teens to stop using violence and increase safety in the home; teaching these skills is an important part of the Step-Up curriculum.