STEP-UP
A Program for Teens who are
Violent with Parents or Family Members

Step-Up is a domestic violence treatment program for teens who have been violent with parents/guardians or other family members. This may include assaults, threats, property destruction or emotional abuse. Step-Up is a 20 week program of group counseling for teens, along with a support and education group for parents. Services are offered in different locations in King County.

Definition of Domestic Violence – Click Here

Teen dating violence, which involves intimate relationships, is usually similar to the power and control dynamics of intimate relationships between adults. Teen violence against parents is rarely recognized as domestic violence, but some of the same patterns and tactics of power and control seen in intimate relationships are used. Put-downs, threats, intimidation, property destruction, degrading language and physical violence are used by teens with their moms, dads, guardians and siblings

Teen violence in the family is usually about power and control and used as a tactic to get others to do what the teen wants, similar to the motives of a DV perpetrator in an intimate relationship. Often, teens have learned the behavior from someone in the family, usually their father or step-father. In many cases, the abusive father is no longer in the home and the teen has started using behaviors he saw his dad use with his mom.

Behaviors that teens use against family members include:

Adolescent violence in the family is serious and sometimes life threatening. The following quotes from parents indicate the level of fear some parents experience living with a violent teenager. These statements were made by parents during their intake interview with the Step-Up program.

• “I sleep with my door locked and a chair up against the wall.”

• “I have hidden all the knives and sharp objects in the house.”

• “As we were driving down the freeway he grabbed the steering wheel and threatened to steer the car across 4 lanes of traffic if I didn’t do what he wanted. I was terrified.”

• “I won’t leave him alone with his younger brother or sister.”

• “His little sister hides in the closet when he starts to go off.”

• “She has threatened me with a knife.”

As with adult domestic violence, stereotypes about parents who are victims of their children’s violence exist and make it more difficult for them to get help. Parents are often seen by others as too permissive and unable to set limits with their children. Well meaning family and friends will advise parents by saying things like, “you shouldn’t let him get away with that”, or “you should just lay down the law and let her know you are the boss”. Parents who are victims of violence already feel they have failed as parents and take responsibility for their children’s violence against them.

Teens that are violent are also stereotyped. They are seen either as sociopaths and dangerous or as innocent victims. Neither stereotype recognizes these teens as both victims and perpetrators of violence. Many teens that use violence towards family members have been exposed to violence or have experienced violence at home. Even though a teen has experienced violence, the teen is responsible for his or her behavior and needs to be held accountable for the violence.

The Step-Up Program
The Step-Up program was developed in 1997 in response to the high number of cases in the juvenile court system of teens assaulting parents. In 1996, 63% of the 502 juvenile domestic violence charges filed by the King County Prosecuting Attorney’s Office were juveniles who assaulted their mother or father. In 1997, the King County Dept. of Judicial Administration applied for and received funding from the Governor’s Juvenile Justice Advisory Committee to develop and implement a pilot project for an intervention for teens who are assaulting family members. Until the funding of this project, there was no specialized intervention in King County (or the U.S.) for treating teens who assault family members. Presently, Step-Up is funded by King County.

Step-Up uses a 20 session curriculum with a cognitive behavioral approach to help teens stop the use of violent and abusive behavior and learn respectful relationship skills. Teens in the program learn to show accountability for their behavior, understand the effects of their abusive behavior on others and themselves, and that they have choices about their behavior. Teens learn and practice skills to prevent the use of violent behavior and how to use respectful communication to resolve conflicts.

Parents work together in a parent group to learn how to respond to violence in the home, safety planning, and ways to support their teens in changing their behavior. Parents give each other support and ideas about ways to cope with the challenges of living with an abusive teen. Teens and parents work together in group on respectful problem-solving, communication and safety.

Teens do not have to be court ordered to Step-Up, however most teens are referred by a juvenile court judge or juvenile probation counselor. Teens are also referred to Step-Up through At-Risk-Youth Petitions which are court orders initiated by parents (see At-Risk –Youth Petitions below for more information). Step-Up also accepts voluntary families.

If you would like to see the Step-Up curriculum, go to www.mincava.umn.edu/library/training/#530

For more information about Step-Up, call 206-296-7841.

What Parents of an Abusive Teen Can Do

Make a Plan for Safety

Steps to take when your teen is violent or abusive.
When your teen starts to threaten you, to break things or to do anything physically violent, accept that you can’t stop him or her at this point. The most important thing is to keep yourself and your other children safe.

• Try to remain as calm as possible. Do not continue the argument or discussion. Don’t argue or yell.

• Separate yourself and your children from your teen. Go to another room or if necessary, leave the house.

• If you stay in your home, try to stay in an area with access to an exit. Stay away from the bathroom, kitchen or other areas where potential weapons might be available.

• Take precautions in your home by assessing how to get to safety: which doors, windows, elevators or stairwells would be best?

• If there are guns in your home, it is recommended to remove them until you feel safe around your teen at all times.

• Make a plan to get an At-Risk-Youth Petition through which your teen can be mandated to counseling.

• If you’re teen is physically violent call 911. Police response gives your child the message that their behavior is serious and it is a crime. It may also result in court intervention which can be a support for your family and mandate counseling for your teen. Calling the police is a difficult decision, however many parents say that it was not until after the police were called that their youth stopped using violence.

• Call the Step-Up Program for more information 206-296-7841 about responding to youth violence at home.

At-Risk-Youth (ARY) Petitions
When parents do not want to call the police or have criminal charges filed against their teen, they can file an At-Risk-Youth petition. ARY are civil petitions that enable you to get help from juvenile court in setting limits with youth under 18. For an ARY petition there is no need to involve the police or to file criminal charges.

Criteria for ARY Petitions:

• Absent from the home at least 72 hours without parental consent; or

• Beyond parental control – behavior endangering the safety or welfare of child or other person; or

• Substance abuse problem with non-pending criminal charges relating to the substance abuse.

For assistance, call Family Reconciliation Service at 1-800-562-5624

Your Legal Rights and How Calling 911 Can Help You
When a juvenile, 16 years of age or older, assaults their parent, guardian, grandparent step-parent or any other family member, police officers are required to make an arrest. For juveniles under the age of 16, the decision to arrest is at the discretion of the officer. Sometimes officers make an arrest, even though parents request they don’t arrest their child. The decision to arrest is the police officer’s decision, not the parent’s. However, if you want your teen to be arrested, explain your teen’s behavior to the police officer and let them know if there have been previous violent incidents. Inform the officer if you do not feel safe with your teen at home.

How to Help a Parent Who Has Been Assaulted
Whether you are a professional working with parents who have been assaulted by their teen or just a friend, it is important to be non-judgmental, compassionate and listen to the parent’s concerns. It is not helpful to parents when you tell them how to parent or that the abuse and violence they receive is the result of their poor parenting. Parents who have been abused by their teens often feel isolated and most people blame parents for their teen’s violence. Here are some important points to remember when you talk with a parent who has been assaulted or abused by their teen:

• No one deserves to be assaulted

• Safety should always be the most important consideration.

• If you are a victim of family violence, you are not at fault

• Adolescents who assault their parents are using domestic violence

For more information about domestic violence services in your community go to http://www.metrokc.gov/dvinfo/

For information about services for women go to King County Women’s Program http://www.metrokc.gov/dchs/csd/Women

For a list of youth and family services go to http://www.metrokc.gov/dchs/csd/Youth&Family